Red One sounds like a fake 30 Rock movie. “Chris Evans must save Christmas by helping Santa’s bodyguard The Rock navigate the hidden mythological world to find the kidnapped and totally ripped St. Nicholas played by Oscar-winner J.K. Simmons.” The film’s aggressively terrible trailers make it look even more absurd than it sounds. And yet, Red One isn’t bad. (I know!) The problem is that it’s not any good, either. (I know.) It is a thoroughly mediocre movie. It will disappoint you if you see it in theaters but prove totally acceptable to watch on a plane. How did a film with a competent director, legitimate Hollywood stars, and some exciting sequences end up being “fine” at best? Because it has no idea who it’s actually for. It’s a genre mishmash, a heartfelt action-comedy Christmas movie, too vulgar for kids but not mature or funny enough for adults.
There are some easy-to-like elements of Red One. Simmons’ Santa is extremely lovable, wise, and grounded. It’s the actor’s second worthy entrant to the list of cinema’s best Old Saint Nicks. Dwayne Johnson also gives one of his better recent performances as the super serious E.L.F. Callum Drift. He’s the retiring head of Santa’s security team who lost his Christmas spirit even before his boss’ kidnapping. Red One isn’t especially humorous, but that’s not The Rock’s fault. His understated performance finds a great balance between funny and intense. So while he looks as though he’s playing the same character for the hundredth time, he’s not.
Game of Thrones‘ alum Kristofer Hivju, unrecognizable under some very impressive makeup, also shines as the dark lord of the season Krampus. Kiernan Shipka and Lucy Liu also both make compelling cases for why each should be in way more movies, even though Red One doesn’t exactly give either of them the most fleshed out characters ever written. The film also features some very good action scenes, including a high-speed chase through the North Pole that is big in scope yet easy to follow. There’s also a long fight sequence with magical killer snowmen that works way better than it probably has any right to. And director Jake Kasdan manages to never let things get too angry or saccharine.
There are actually very few things to hate about Red One. The issue is there are a whole lot of things that fall totally flat. Chris Evans isn’t bad, but the script doesn’t give him much to work with. He plays the uncaring, cynical Jack O’Malley, a role perfectly suited for Evans sardonic-yet-charismatic side. The problem is that Jack is supposed to be funny and the movie isn’t. Its comedy and tone is seemingly aimed at 11-year-olds and no one else. It’s too sharp for younger kids and too dull for anyone older. Very rarely do jokes or bits elicit actual laughs. Usually Red One‘s humor garners the worst kind of reaction, the kind where you stoically think, “Oh….that’s funny.”
Some of that comes from the movie’s use of mythological creatures and deep Christmas lore. The script never elevates any of its best ideas past “clever” to anything inspired or genuinely humorous. It’s all just….fine. It’s fine. But what’s not fine is that while this sounds like a totally acceptable family movie, it definitely won’t be for every family, especially those with younger kids. There’s a ton of bloodless fighting (so many fights!), and some of the more notable terms used include “dickhead” and “asshole.” And there are many more moments where it feels like characters were originally supposed to use even stronger language but those terms got cut at the last second. (That’s done as an intentional gag one time.)
The result is a movie always at odds with itself. It’s as if it’s holding itself back from what it actually wants to be. Red One feels like it wanted to be a movie for adults, but ultimately decided it also needed to appeal to kids. It wants to be holiday fare everyone of every age can enjoy. Instead it feels like it’s for no one, like a fancy dish made without any spices so kids can still eat it.
Red One would have been better off embracing its 30 Rock movie-ness. But it’s neither stupid or silly enough to be dumb fun nor smart enough to be legitimately good. So while it’s better than getting coal in your stocking, it’s the type of gift you’ll want to return for store credit.
Red One ⭐ (2.5 of 5)
Red One releases on November 15, 2024.
Mikey Walsh is a staff writer at Nerdist. You can follow him on Bluesky at @burgermike. And also anywhere someone is ranking the Targaryen kings.
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